Dating. Part I.

Yes. There will be sequels. This is currently planned as a multi-part post. Yay! Stuff to do.

General rules for dating as an adult:
* Be honest. If you have a missing limb, no teeth, herpes, one eye, or are ridiculously short or fat, you are better off admitting it up front. Please don't have your cousin's brother's roommate's girlfriend that knows me try and hook you up. It's not worth it. I WILL eviscerate you. I will make fun of the fact that you have the personality of a carrot, or the haircut of a 5 year old who's mom does it with a bowl and scissors.
*Have a job. There is nothing worse than doing a "meet and greet" and having the guy not be able to afford a cup of coffee. No offense, but if you can't do $2 for coffee, how are you going to make a relationship work? I'm not saying that I need someone to buy me stuff and take me places all the time, but honestly, guys? There IS some financial cost to dating in general. With me or with someone else.
*DO NOT READ relationship books. Or self-help books. They make you a loser. And also emasculate you. Do you REALLY wanna be known as the guy who cried on the date?
*Invest in "date" clothes. These should NOT have holes in them, or look like you robbed a 15 year old. Enough said. Look nice.
*Don't expect dinner and a movie as a first date. This is way too long of a time commitment for a stranger. I don't know that I'm going to want to be in the same room as you for the 20 minutes it takes for coffee or a drink, let alone the 2hours that dinner can take, plus a 2 hour movie. Think about this: 2 people who don't connect having to stare across a table at each other awkwardly making random bits of conversation for over an hour. And trying to do this while alternately eating, and trying not to get food everywhere. YAY! Sounds fun, doesn't it? Then... add a movie where you CANT talk for 2 hours. But, you have to sit so close to the other person, you can smell them. And trust me, if this is anything like 90% of my dates, the other person does NOT smell good. Or they have garlic breath from above mentioned awkward dinner.
I'll leave this there. Part II, a recap of some of the losers I've met. *THIS is gonna be a good one!
Happy Dating!