I am going to classify this week as normal only because, so far, nothing is on fire. ... yet.
However, the following has happened:
1. the kidlet is sick
2. my instructor told me that getting bad grades would be "good for me" (what the HELL?)
3. i mangaged to aquire 2 MORE goldfish. dont ask
4. i actually called geico. i really dont like them much.
5. i found 500 motrin tablets in the house. (yeah, really)
6. my power AND my cable have been intermittently freaking out., but the phone (which is plugged in cuz its wireless, and is operated with the cable) has worked perfectly during all of this? what?
7. i dont have hepatitis B
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
open letter to the spiders on my porch
Dear Spiders:
Please be advised that EVERY time I go outside and see your sticky,webby mess on my front porch, I have no other desire than to kill you. I have purchased enough RAID to make this dream a reality. Please immediately cease all living activities on or near my front door now, or suffer the consequences. I have already advised you of your impending doom. Many of your commrades have already fallen. Consider this your final notice to vacate the premises immediately, as I will have no sympathy for your deaths. And don't think for a minute that bringing more of your sadistic little friends will frighten me away from my goal. YOU. DIE. NOW.
Just because I run screaming from your numbers now does not mean that my bravery will not be greatly increased by the presence of insecticides.
Sincerely,
property management
PS When I spray the area, if you could kindly refrain from dying while dangling from a single web thread, I would greatly appreciate it. Please, where at all possible, die on the ground. This makes for less clean up.
PPS Also, this would not be happening if you had taken my previous advice and just left. Porches are no place for spiders. There is no food here.
PPPS I don't like you because you are hairy and you do creepy things. I don't like having webs on me in the morning. I really don't like how more of you magically appear at night or when I'm trying to do something on my porch
PPPPS It's MY porch! I don't care that you "live" there. If you want to sublease the space we might be able to come to an agreement. No, pest control does NOT count as "rent".
Please be advised that EVERY time I go outside and see your sticky,webby mess on my front porch, I have no other desire than to kill you. I have purchased enough RAID to make this dream a reality. Please immediately cease all living activities on or near my front door now, or suffer the consequences. I have already advised you of your impending doom. Many of your commrades have already fallen. Consider this your final notice to vacate the premises immediately, as I will have no sympathy for your deaths. And don't think for a minute that bringing more of your sadistic little friends will frighten me away from my goal. YOU. DIE. NOW.
Just because I run screaming from your numbers now does not mean that my bravery will not be greatly increased by the presence of insecticides.
Sincerely,
property management
PS When I spray the area, if you could kindly refrain from dying while dangling from a single web thread, I would greatly appreciate it. Please, where at all possible, die on the ground. This makes for less clean up.
PPS Also, this would not be happening if you had taken my previous advice and just left. Porches are no place for spiders. There is no food here.
PPPS I don't like you because you are hairy and you do creepy things. I don't like having webs on me in the morning. I really don't like how more of you magically appear at night or when I'm trying to do something on my porch
PPPPS It's MY porch! I don't care that you "live" there. If you want to sublease the space we might be able to come to an agreement. No, pest control does NOT count as "rent".
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